Why did God let me suffer? Why?
This is a question I've asked myself often.
When my parents have at different times suffered from illness; when I have been
ill and all that caused it was stress; when I can't control my anxiety. Hard
things that happen that are not the result of my own mistakes often send me
into a cycle of asking, sometimes the results of my choices make me ask as well. I feel like the answer is as complex as the situations
that cause us to ask.
I'd like to take a moment and share the answer that I'm
developing in hopes that it will help others as I think this is not a question
that only I've asked. I'll answer it in pieces as that's how
I've had it answered in my life, line upon line and precept on
precept.
The first piece is that the trials are the price I pay to
become acquainted with God. It's through these hardships that I learn who God
is. This is exemplified in a story of a man who traveled on foot across the
country to live in Utah with other early members of my church in the 1800's.
"A man who crossed the plains in the Martin handcart
company lived in Utah for many years. One day he was in a group of people who
began sharply criticizing the Church leaders for ever allowing the Saints to
cross the plains with no more supplies or protection than a handcart company
provided. The old man listened until he could stand no more; then he arose and
said with great emotion:
“I was in that company and my wife was in it. … We
suffered beyond anything you can imagine and many died of exposure and
starvation, but did you ever hear a survivor of that company utter a word of
criticism? … [We] came through with the absolute knowledge that God lives for
we became acquainted with him in our extremities.
“I have pulled my handcart when I was so weak and weary from illness and lack of food that I could hardly put one foot ahead of the other. I have looked ahead and seen a patch of sand or a hill slope and I have said, I can go only that far and there I must give up, for I cannot pull the load through it. … I have gone on to that sand and when I reached it, the cart began pushing me. I have looked back many times to see who was pushing my cart, but my eyes saw no one. I knew then that the angels of God were there.
“Was I sorry that I chose to come by handcart? No.
Neither then nor any minute of my life since. The price we paid to become
acquainted with God was a privilege to pay, and I am thankful that I was
privileged to come in the Martin Handcart Company.” (Our Heritage)
Building on that concept we begin to not only become
acquainted with God in our sufferings but we also come to understand Christ in
the same moment. Peter talks about this. He says:
"Beloved, think it not strange concerning the
fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing
happened unto you: But rejoice, inasmuch as ye
are partakers of Christ’s sufferings; that, when his glory shall
be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy" (2 Peter
4:12-13).
The first time I read that scripture I remember being
surprise at the perspective. He invites us to not focus on the trial and how
weighed down we feel under its weight but to focus on Christ and using out
suffering to understand him. In another scripture in the Book of Mormon states
the juxtaposition of this statement. Just as we go through trials to better
understand Christ, Christ suffered to better understand us. “And he shall go
forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this
that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains
and the sicknesses of his people. And he will take upon him death, that he may
loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their
infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh,
that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to
their infirmities.” (Alma 7:11-12)
The word succor means to help or aid in times of
distress. I love this scripture for how it frames the atonement, or Christ’s
suffering. He knows us and he came to know us through pain. He understands our
pain. The reverse of the statement can be true as well, when we approach our
trials focusing on coming to know Christ we come to know him in the same way
that he came to know us, through the sorrows of the flesh. (see also Galatians2:20) We know him because we have become like him.
This train of thought isn’t an answer all, truly it’s not
even half of the answer to this question but for me it gives my sorrows propose,
and points me to what is most important, my relationship with God. I’ve gone
through hard things in my life and I believe I will continue to experience hard
things. But I also believe that what is important is not how hard it is but how
I use it.
I hope I’ve not come off preachy here. My prayer is that this
strengthens someone else as it has strengthened me.
~Katie Jean~
